monday

been struggling with my depression again. these posts are starting to become a bit of an outlet, honestly. it's good to process my feelings at the end of the day.
i'm constantly tired which is most likely a result of my new meds, and on top of that, they're not even working. i still feel utterly miserable and useless. would be so much better if i didn't exist sometimes.
i was thinking of buying a pack of cigs today. went to the store and was ready to ask for them but decided against it at the last moment. nearly 6 euros?? hell no, i don't make enough for that. besides, they smell and i am not boutta have my mom find out about my habits.
otherwise it's been hard. my depression is starting to affect my relationships again (as if it didn't before 💀) and i feel like crap because of that. i want stronger meds so bad but that would mean redoing my whole treatment plan and i do not have enough energy for that.
in general, today was not a good day. i struggle to find upsides in most days, but they at least have some sort of peaks. today was just a sad plain of misery.